I was exhaustipated as I walked home through the gloaming on that Orwellian night. I made my way through Grandpa’s odd barbican fencing and found him in the yard, discombobulated. He was rolling around like a pygmy hedgehog.
“Ono! What are you doing, Gramps?” I asked, flabbergasted by his audacity. “I’m surprised to see you out in the dark with your scotoma and achluophobia.”
“I have this stupendous, fandamntastic liquid courage!” He pointed to a glass sitting on his model of the Freedom Bridge and the Berlin Wall. “Try it!” He said, jocularly.
Only I understood his esoteria for zymurgy and decided to be acquiescent, taking a sip of his moonshine. My head was instantly throbbing as I was bombarded by a brackish combination of peaches, blackberries, Heliotrope, barnacles and Spirulina pie. It was not salubrious and less than appealing. “Grandpa, this is insanity! I’ve been your biggest cheerleader, but did you miss the bulletin or do I need to reiterate that AA is against drinking?
“I don’t have autism you lackadaisical whippersnapper! Stop being such a fussbudget and get me my whirlywhopper!”
“Aren’t you rambunctious? Don’t get so excited. You mean your walker?”
“Get me up you fidiot, before my rear turns into an arsicle and I get some wicked viral bronchitis,” he yelled, tremulous.
“Are you feeling unloved again?” I said in a facetious tone.
He’d been like this ever since he was forced to make the international move from Carlingford to Atascadero. He was falsely accused of nymphomania back in the UK, caught with a Fandango dancer and a spreader bar, but Gramps usually kept his thingamybob and balloons to himself. The dancer had asked him to be her mumpsimus cicisbeo and he was overzealous about the juxtaposition of the gender roles. Still the future king of England felt Grandpa’s actions were ignominious and had seen him as a bad chorological omen. Gramps sought freedom, antidisestablishmentarianism and redemption in the States.
I got him his walker and he immediately reached for the glass of moonshine and downed it. “That is some funkTaNious supercalifragilisticexpialidocious jilfritted compresstibility sedidy,” Gramps slurred.
“What? Was that some phonological onomatopoeia?”
I realized I would never fully grok him. I just wanted to put Gramps to bed so I could go on the computer and look at mindless tweets with an octothorpe followed by serendipity.
NORMAL PEOPLE WORDS:
appealing, audacity, autism, balloons, barnacles, blackberries, bombarded, bulletin, cheerleader, computer, discombobulated, excited, facetious, falsely, fencing, flabbergasted, freedom, Freedom Bridge, Berlin Wall, fussbudget, fussbudget, insanity, international, king, lackadaisical, nymphomania, odd, omen, Ono!, onomatopoeia, overzealous, peaches, pie, Pygmy hedgehog, rambunctious, redemption, reiterate, serendipity, stupendous, throbbing, throbbing, unloved, viral bronchitis, wicked
achluophobia— is the fear of darkness
acquiescent—tending to accept or allow what others want or demand
antidisetablishmentarianism—opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church
Atascadero—a city in California
barbican—the outer defense of a castle or walled city, especially a double tower above a gate or drawbridge
Carlingford—a medieval village in Ireland
chirological—related to palm reading
cicisbeo—In 18th & 19th-century Italy, a gallant and lover of a married woman, who attended her at public entertainment
esoteria-intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest
Fandango—a lively Spanish dance for two people, typically accompanied by castanets or tambourine. 2. a foolish or useless act or thing
gloaming— twilight; dusk
grok—understand intuitively or by empathy
Heliotrope—a plant of the borage family, cultivated for its fragrant purple or blue flowers, which are used in perfume
ignominious—deserving or causing public disgrace or shame
jocularly—given to, characterized by, intended for, or suited to joking or jesting
juxtaposition—the fact of two things being seen or placed close together with contrasting effect
mumpsimus—a traditional custom or notion adhered to although shown to be unreasonable
octothorpe—another term for the pound sign
Orwellian— characteristic of the writings of George Orwell, especially with reference to his dystopian account of a future totalitarian state in Nineteen Eighty-Four
phonological— an inventory of sounds
scotoma— blind spot in a field of vision
tremulous—shaking or quivering slightly
whippersnapper—a young and inexperienced person considered to be presumptuous or overconfident
Zymurgy—the study or practice of fermentation in brewing, winemaking, or distilling
URBAN DICTIONARY WORDS:
exhaustipated—too exhausted to give a shit.
spreader-bar—an article of bondage equipment consisting of a metal or wooden bar, with attachment points for bondage cuffs at each end, which can be fastened to wrists, ankles or knees to hold them apart.
fandamntastic— merges the words damn and fantastic.
arrsicle—when yer butt’s frozen!
fidiot ( fucking idiot ), lol
thingumybob— a noun used to describe items that either you can’t remember the name of or that don’t actually exist.
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Exceptional Laura 💕😂😂😂👍🏻😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Holy crap! When did you meet my father?? Lmao!
Wonderful! This is my first time seeing your Flash Fiction; awesome!
WTFun! FYI, whirlywhopper is one doctor’s name for our medical transport helicopter. Even after twenty years, I can’t forget this word.
I love it! That was awesome!
LOL!! I am loving Gramps!!
That was amazing! How fun…😍
nice… Whirlywopper… love that one… lol
I had a realy Awesome day rock climing just got home and am totaly Exhaustipated We are going to the movie later going to see ”Fandango” With Kevin Costner, Judd Nelson, Sam Robards, Chuck Bush. found some free passes
pinned to the Bulletin board at work.
Tomorrow is sunday so we are going to the Redemption Church in Greenville SC i promised Barbara we could walk out in the gloaming the insanity of searching along the cliffs for “spirulina” in south Carolina when it basicly grows mostly in hawaii it would be odd to find any but she wants to look to be sure I was watching the news about an book of 50 Orwellian Essays on the Project Gutenberg Australia I found a fishing lure i think it is called a whirlywhopper the paint is cracked and faded and the hooks are all discombobulated
Ha Ha Ha that is a funny word That is a somewhat Facetious remark
i was reading a blog by NotaGermanOctopus (@funktanious.com it was about how Barnacles and the word scrape wonld be a onomatopoeia that was another example of a Facetious remarkso i opened a can of Peaches and switched overto a esoteria discussion on Jilfritted delamination of
armored glass in juxtaposition Zymurgy of the mosture thewin
Pygmy hedgehogs International ass, is meeting in Atascadero i hitched the my Pygmy hedgehogs to
starwagon with a spreader-bar to keep them from attacking each other Rambunctious.on the left an
Fandamntastic on the right me and my dog octothorpe climbed aboard and headed out with a basket of
Ono Hawaiian BBQ and 3 Blackberrie pies for the trip I also picked a bunch heliotrope flowers for Barbarai
when swung by to pick her up she was standing on the stoop singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious I ask
what do you think you are Mary Poppins she said no that she was in the mood for some Jocularly i said well
that is a Stupendous idea so i became Acquiescent and joined in we went on till sunset and then pitched
camp and set up a tent with a light in it as Barbara suffers from Achluophobia
I fed the Pygmy hedgehogs and staked them out near a bush thicket I was Flabergasted to find
that Barbara had only pretended to have nymphomania it is well she could Grok those around her for the most
likely dummy that would fooled by the ignominious t ruled her life but she Falsely exclamed it did not bother her
as negitev feedback only added to her Compresstibility The next morning phonological dust bombarded our
camp and caused a scotoma in my left eye Appealing as Barbara was her attude of extreme
Antidisetablishmentarianism gave me the Audacity to remaine salubrious as i had enough in my turmoil life as
unrest was prevelent in Carlingford so i held my throbbing member myself and did no tumble in the sack with the
lovable fussbudget,so near to to my heart and heeded the Omen of the blind King and fought a bad case of
Viral-Bronchitis as we passed under the Barbican into the city
Let me Reiterate this Barbican was not the Freedom Bridge, over the Berlin Wall but stood on the brink0f a Tremulous chasm 10 meters wide and probaly 50 deep to the water from the melting glacer that
would freeze your arsicle off if you atemped to swim across spaned by a Draw bridge with a counter weight that
would raise the bridge even with several riders on it and so we arived in Carlingford
I had to try
I love that!!!!