By Marian Gorrell
Hector was feeling desperate. As the world’s last centaur he had been captured and forced into slave labor in the circus, where obese boneheads paid $5 to ride him around an arena. Eight years of this immoral humiliation took its toll on his body, and he began to suffer spinal instability and eventually had to have spinal fusion. It was time to take his life back.
Miraculously, Hector had a stroke of genius and planned the ultimate polymerous act of deception. His excoriating captor, Jeanette had enlisted her precocious grandkids to work in her big-top of degradation, and as they freshened up his stall, Jeanette walked him back to his enclosure. Hector patiently waited for the evening’s fireworks show to start and then took the opportunity to throw off his conical hat, jigged a quick pivot and hoofed at the ground, the transversal lines creating a crude parallelogram.
Jeanette gasped, and invoked ecumenical prayers as a last-ditch effort to enlist aid from any deity who may be listening, not wanting to seem divisive in any way. Unfortunately for her, the only answer she received was from the unsympathetic Pastafarian Spaghetti Monster.
“Yeah… I have some questions,” said Spag, sarcastically. “You leave a tympanitic horse-man to wallow in his own filth, and you expect anyone to help you? As if!”
Hector took Spag’s assertion as permission to go ahead with Jeanette’s destruction. He declared, “I hope you get ebola, you pernicious shrew!” and he unceremoniously trampled his captor while her grandchildren looked on.
The children stood stunned for a moment, until finally one of them broke the silence. “So… you wanna go in and try to get a pandamount?” The two strolled off to their room, happy to finally have time to concentrate on their online game.
Andrea Randall, Bridgett Brown, Christine Clark, Darryl Perry, Dave, Donna Wolz, Jeanette Wolf, Jerilynn Rodriguez, Julia Mason, MaryAnn Sims, Melanie Vincent, Misty, Nenette M., Reva Draper, Robin, Robyn, Sandra, Sandra S., Sharyn, Sherry Vaughn, Vivetia Adams, Warren
centaur, circus, conical, deception, divisive, ebola, fireworks, genius, grandkids, immoral, Jeanette, miraculously, pivot, precocious, questions, spinal fusion, spinal instability
Ecumenical– representing a number of different Christian churches.
Excoriating– censuring or criticizing severely.
Parallelogram– a person involved in the social movement that promotes a light-hearted view of religion and opposes the teaching of intelligent design.
Pernicious– having a harmful effect, especially in a gradual or subtle way.
Polymerous– having or consisting of many parts.
Transversal– intersecting system of lines
Tympanitic-distention of the abdominal wall, as in peritonitis, caused by the accumulation of gas or air in the intestine or peritoneal cavity.
Pandamount– seems to be some sort of World of Warcraft thing.