Flash Fiction: August 26, 2016

“What happened, Jason? I saw the ecnalubma in front of the house!”

“Bubba! It’s an ambulance, you asshat!”

“Whatever. Tell me what happened.”

“I was taking a nap, when one of the authors I met let herself in, saying she wanted to watch Braveheart, and read Dragon Rider to me.”

“I don’t get it.”

“She said she was twitterpated and that I was the most spiritual creature she’s ever clicked so harmoniously with. “

“Dude, you mouth’s all aquiver and shit. So you liked her?”

“I was ambiguous at first; she seemed like some normal lady with Tupperware and the occasional bobblehead. Until she said she wanted to give me pleasure.”

“And that’s good, right?”

“No. Hence the ambulance, clusterfuck. She’s an ex-Voivode that lives in a bordello and has never heard of the missionary position.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“That agelast conflagration of a woman wanted to make truffle butter.”

“Dude, that’s nauseating. I hope you wore a condom. You can get ebola from that shit.”

“Its ecoli, you moron.”

“So why the ambulance?”

“Don’t you see the blood?” She’s an ankle-biter too!”

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