Flash Fiction Fun, May 6, 2016

As Ted walked in, the smell of petrichor gave the Aquifer Restaurant a foresty ambiance. He recognized Lola instantly in her sanguine colored dress. She was the personification of perfection.

“So nice to meet you, Lola,” Ted reached out a nervous hand as he took a seat across from her.

“This place is bonggacious isn’t it!?” Lola enthused.

“Um, sure it’s great, Ted agreed. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“Let’s see. I was a bit of a hobbledehoy as a kid, and I suffered from tarantism. After the wolf spider bit me, all I knew how to do waskvetch and throw a temper tantrum.”

Ted began to question the matching skills of loculent.com.

“Now I sell haberdashery and love everything gastronomic and I hope this isn’t a problem, but I have odaxelagnia.”


“I get sexual arousal through biting.”

“I guess it depends how hard.” Ted scratched his head.

“Oh, Ted. I knew you were the one! Every picture my psychiatrist showed me during my Rorschach Test made me think of you! Let’s go on a Fiesta Cruise!”

Ted’s head was on the verge of implosion. “This was a bad idea. I’m sorry Lola, but I’m really a troglodyte, and a eunuch.”

“Meaning?” Lola slammed her fists on the table.

“I’m impotent and a hermit and I gotta go.” Ted ran from the restaurant in fear of her bellicose behavior.

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