Since this final game for Flash Fiction Fun Volume 3, I invited everyone to submit their own stories with the words provided. Here are stories by me, Collin Baker, Brooklyn Emery, Marian Gorrell, and Nicole Morrow (coming soon). Try to guess who wrote which one!
Sydney was a cohesive force between her two fabulous friends Hoover and Hailey.
“You’re a moron!” Hoover would shout at Hailey.
“Well, being around you is like a living hell,” Hailey would fire back, threatening to cleave their friendship.
Hoover always made fun of Hailey’s promiscuous dog Romp, because he had herpes. And she was a magical wanderlust soul and was a discombobulated maladroit girl who loved Animal Planet, particularly when the tichorrhine’s were on. She was an easy target.
“He’s always so belligerent and crass to you Hailey. One of these days we should give him some amelioration,” Sydney said.
“But how?” Hailey asked, as Hoover was distracted, looking for his voluptuous penumbra on the promenade.
Sydney thought about what they could do. Hoover voraciously ate up anything mechanical, and always talked about riding the freedom train to New York City. He also had a way of edging you out of a conversation, so he could just OTLE away. And he loved his computer.
“I got it!” said Sydney. “We can use a dongle to hack into his computer so when he tries to do his alphabcation or buy merchandise; he’ll get respect and discipline videos. That’ll flummox him.”
When Hoover found out, he tried to hide his teary, festering, vermillion eyes and Hailey felt a vortex of guilt rush in.
Hailey bought a skein of yarn to make friendship rings, and took Hoover and Sydney out for some corned beef and creamery to make up for it.
I went to bed and was immediately sucked into a vortex of vermillion flames, discombobulated when I landed in front of a tichorrhine creature. “Where am I?”
“I am Maladroit, and you are in hell,” said the woolly mammoth.
“I can’t be dead! He told me it was only Herpes!” I cried. I saw the doctor for my festering dongle, but my romp into Sydney’s vagina dentata had obviously caused greater harm. That’s what I get for being voraciously promiscuous with her voluptuous merchandise.
“What do I have to do get my OTLE?” I asked Maladroit.
“What do you speak of, you crass moron?”
“My option to leave early, of course. I didn’t mean to flummox you, but this place doesn’t seem fun at all. It could use some serious amelioration. This fiery promenade needs edging, and there is no cohesive theme here. You should get a mechanical Hoover to vacuum up some of this ash. And, dude, could you use your fabulous magical powers to get some corned beef and Cold Stone Creamery down here? ”
“Silence!” The belligerent demon yelled. “I shall have my alpha dog deal with you!”
The horned alphabaction dog, or whatever he called it, barreled down the hellish promenade followed by his murky penumbra.
Great. My wanderlust landed me in some afterlife Animal Planet.
The crazy dog tried to lasso me with a skein of rope but I grabbed it from him before he decided to cleave me in half, and used it climb up the damn freedom train out of hell, waking up drenched in sweat.
As the only leprechaun in Sydney, Hoover was starting to feel belligerent. Apparently, Australians don’t watch anything other than Animal Planet, because he couldn’t go a week without somebody asking him what sort of animal he was. He finally became so fed up by the question that he exploded, “I’m a Tichorrhine, you moron. Now go to hell!”
So imagine Hoover’s surprise when a voluptuous ginger-haired woman tapped him on the shoulder and asked, “Pardon me, but are you a leprechaun?” The maladroit leprechaun was completely discombobulated, and could do nothing but stammer, “fabulous…“ his face burning vermillion.
The vixen continued, “I don’t mean to sound crass, but I’ve always thought it would be fun to romp with a magical creature. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not promiscuous or anything. I haven’t actually even been with a man since I gave into my wanderlust back in 1976 and rode the Freedom Train across the United States.”
Hoover felt as though he was edging toward a vortex while standing within the penumbra of her beauty, “uh, I would spin a skein of gold to have the opportunity to voraciously eat corned beef out of your cleave, but I’ve got this festering case of herpes, and I’m a little afraid of vagina dentata.”
Fortunately, the leprechaun lover merely laughed and said, “I didn’t mean to flummox you but admit it, even though you smell like wet dog, the two of us would make a cohesive union when your dongle meets my creamery. Wouldn’t it be fun to help check the alphabacation of my …. uh…. personal massagers? I’ll even give you the OTLE.”
Hoover collected his bearings and replied, “Honey, I don’t need an option to leave early. This will be so epic I’ll rent a kiosk on the promenade and sell merchandise to commemorate the occasion. This is amelioration on the life I’ve been leading for the past decade.”
Hoover’s soon to be lover responded, “whatever, I just hope your style isn’t mechanical. And by the way, Keep calm and chive on.”
“Listen up!” shouted a tall, belligerent moron. The festering crowd turned their vermillion heads to the shouting dog of a man as they got off the freedom train. “There will be no OTLE for the Sydney Promenade Battle!” As he shouted, he spat bits of corned beef from his herpes ridden mouth. The gathering of the voluptuous people was the result of a famous Sydney promenade tradition, in which promiscuous dongles compete to flummox each other until their discombobulated penumbras become maladroit. A little, crass boy sat in the audience, waiting for the mechanical fun to begin. As he sat, he voraciously practiced his alphabacation in an attempt at amelioration. The boy stopped as the magical hoover tichorrhine cued the start of the battle. Gates on either side of large field let loose hell as the dongles poured from their openings. Severaldongles in the back were struck with fabulous wanderlust and became distracted. The rest clashed in a non-cohesive vortex of chaos. The distracted dongles, meanwhile, were edging their way toward the local creamery to purchase their favorite Animal Planet merchandise. The warring dongles were down to the last two, taking turns flailing skeins while they circled one another. Clad in plastic armor, it seemed victory for neither dongle would come soon. But, just as the timer was about to tie the fight, several vagina dentata monsters emerged from the ground to cleave them both. The shouting man, who was now the commentator, sat in disbelief at the scene. The audience began to clap, for they had been thoroughly entertained.
Dick and Willy, two maladroit morons, were wandering aimlessly through a promenade. It was rumored that there was a magical hidden wonder along the path they were embarking upon. Unfortunately, theses two were not very cohesive in their thinking nor their actions. By chance, they stumbled upon a cave like structure. On the outside hung what appeared to be skeins of dark thread, coiled about and hanging along the edging of the cave as well. As the two approached the entrance they were caught in a vortex of warm wind. Dick at once was filled with wanderlust. He admittedly had a voracious appetite for fun and strangely had a strong craving for a corn beef sandwich.
In his usual crass manner, Willy roared ” Is this Animal Planet? What the Hell is that smell? A wet dog? A Tichorrhine? What is this a Creamery? What is this slimy stuff all over the place?”
Dick on the other hand ducked into the opening and was fascinated how the walls were in a penumbra like shadow. That ebbed and flowed on the walls of the cave that had a brilliant vermillion color in spots.”
Willy was disgusted with the sense of amelioration. Willy mumbled to himself, “I don’t even have my Hoover, as if it would help. I need a mop! By the way Dick, those things hanging on the wall look like Herpes. ” Willy was so discombobulated and felt the whole situation was BAF. He began to panic and lost his ability to alphabacation and started screaming…” Where is the freedom train to take me to Sydney Australia? ” Dick cleaved him in he head until he came to his senses.
Dick wandered further into the cave, admiring the fabulous mechanical workings. Willy wanted to OTLE immediately, but lost his dongle in the process of trying to feel his way against the slippery, voluptuous wall and floor of the cave.
Dick ignored Willy and all his complaining and was pondering the money he would make by selling the merchandise they found and excavated from the cave. All of a sudden everything went pitch black!
Willy laughed in the darkness and said in a whisper…” You promiscuous fool! We have been sucked into the elusive and man eating Vagina Dentata..no way out….Dick!!!”