By Marian Gorrell
“Dude, you won’t even believe what happened,” said my buddy Ringo when he got home from his school trip. His name wasn’t really Ringo, but he insisted we call him that, because he dreamed of being a famous drummer, like that Beatle guy. His band camp usually took a short road trip once a year where they would participate in local music festivals. But this year, the band benefitted from the magnanimity of a generous donor, and they went on a trip to Thailand. I was eager for his return because he is quite the raconteur, and I knew he would have an exciting story to tell.
“First of all, I seriously over-packed for the trip,” he said, “and while lugging my impedimenta to the hotel, I wound up aggravating an old shoulder impingement injury. The pain was distracting, so I didn’t notice a spilled slurpee on the floor and I slipped and twisted my ankle. Despite my injuries I was still ambulatory so I left my luggage in my room and limped off by my single self to explore the surrounding area.
“Not sure where I was going, I just followed a random trajectory that led me to a stupendous bazaar. I wondered if it was some sort of telepathy or just plain serendipity that took me there, because I was feeling edacious, and there were several food vendors within.”
Ringo sighed and shook his head slowly. “Looking back, I should have known all those people were in collusion because they descended on me like fresh meat. A bleached blond woman who kinda looked like Jynx asked me if I wanted to try her puss. I asked what she meant by that and she said, ‘it’s octopus darling.’ She gave me the creeps so I asked her if it was poison, and she told me to get lost.
“Then some bellicose egomaniac asked if I would help him cross-pollinate his puss. ‘WTF?’ I asked him, and he said, ‘it’s a pussy willow. I’m trying to get it to rebloom. What did you think I meant, you little creep?’
“I finally figured out that they were messing with me when a tall thin woman with heavy makeup said, ‘I don’t even have a puss, but can offer you a little hose in hose double action.’
“I turned and stumbled out of there while all those deplorables laughed contumely at me. I think I’m going to need psychoanalytic counseling for a long time. I don’t know what possessed those fallible chaperones to take a bunch of kids to Bangkok!”
Normal People Words
ambulatory, band camp, bazaar, bleached blond, collusion, cross-pollinate, deplorables, egomaniac,
fallible, limped, magnanimity, octopus, poison, psychoanalytic, rebloom, Ringo, road trip, school, serendipity, single self, slurpee, stupendous, telepathy, Thailand, trajectory
bellicose– demonstrating aggression and willingness to fight
contumely– insolent or insulting language or treatment
edacious– relating to or given to eating
Hose in hose double– a hose connector
Impedimenta– equipment for an activity or expedition, especially when considered as bulky or an encumbrance.
Impingement– a shoulder condition
Jynx– a bipedal humanoid Pokemon that resembles a woman.
raconteur– a person who tells anecdotes in a skillful and amusing way
Anna Howe, Barb Ellen, Barbara Joan Grubman, Barbie Urteagam Brenda Scott-Manzur, Bridgett, Carmen Ferrer-Torres, Carol Luciano, Charlie, Cheryl Albertelli, Denise Sherman, Denise Victoria, Diane Dale, Donna Wolz, Gene Albertelli, Harley Christensen, Jackieray Mays, James A Emery Jr., Joanie Sanders, Joy Clarin Soriano, Julia Mason, Julian White, Ledbetter Duwane, Lynne Tiktin-Arias, Michelle Shaubert, Mitsy Pricell, Robin Albertelli, Robyn K, Sharyn, Suzan, Thia Finn Cindy Griffin, Valarie Venuti