Flash Fiction: November 11, 2016


By Nicole Morrow

Dick, a frowzy looking man, decided to enter a brothel since his ding-a-ling hadn’t been touched by anyone–other than himself–in quite some time. He entered a dark and dreary room, and heard. “Hey fart knocker, we have a victim.”
He then heard another voice reply, “Shut your blow hole before I stick something in it, I’m coming.”
In disbelief, Dick watched as four “employees” emerged. The first was an obnoxious drunk munchkin. The munchkin walked up to him and slurred, “what’s your name? I may be small but I will treat you bigly…” Dick told this nightmare in front of him his name. The munchkin replied..” Hey, Mother Dick….”
He replied, “It’s just Dick.”
“Thass what she said.” The munchkin replied, then passed out…ass up on the floor.
The second was a Goth chick, shoving handfuls of stale, crusty, burnt popcorn into her mouth. Dick shuttered at the spectacle in front of him. Third was a frazzled looking girl wearing a shirt that read “non violent unless you piss me off.”
The final person to wonder out was a older gentleman with no teeth. He said cheerfully…” I am the janitor but we’re short staffed today.”
Dick screamed tumultuously in horror, “what kind of place is this?? It is fundamentally wrong on all levels. Its blasphemous. I just want my ding-a-ling tended to….”
The drunk munchkin regained consciousness and said..”Hey calm down!! “She then began eating fruit loops, fruity pebbles and Trix cereal and turned to Dick and said ” Let me give you a Cosby Sweater” and proceeded to vomit all over Dick’s chest. She then exclaimed proudly..”That will be $50…”
Dick recoiled in disgust. He realized he was already in the center of a shit storm of biblical proportions. He weighed his options and picked Goth Chick. He followed her down a stank hallway and into a dark room. The only lights were those creepy black lights. He could vaguely make out a poster on the wall that said ” POTUS 2016 bitches…DJT was here!” The Goth Chick put her popcorn down and without another word, dipped her hand into a tub of goo. She than began yanking on his sensitive orvis. She stopped long enough to exclaim “you have very pendulous balls.”
Dick hollered “What the hell is that smell? What are you rubbing on my penis!!!”
Goth Chick snapped…”Duh Monkey Snot!”
Dick yelled as loud as he could ” FLÜGGÅӘNKбČHIŒßØLĮÊN!!!!!!”
To which Goth Chick said “WTF??” Dick tried to explain that was his safe word. Goth Chick smirked, “I can’t even pronounce that…Mother Dick!” ”
Dick screamed, it’s just Dick! my safe word is “Calexit.”
Goth Chick giggled and explained she did not believe or use safe words. With that she called in the Janitor/Prostitute who in one deft swoop flipped Dick unto his stomach. He was preparing to assist with the felcher act. Fortunately, Dick was saved by a sudden case of explosive diarrhea.
He ran from the building pants around his ankles, hollering you
“sick f…cks…” .then he noticed the sign on the building….” Perversion Aversion Therapy…Sicko.”

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