Flash Fiction: September 30, 2016

“Barbara, you’re the next contestant on the Price is Right Birthday edition!”

Barbara stumbled down the aisle in her obsequious manner, hung over after her daughter’s herdert nuptials, almost causing her to fall.

“Are you okay?” Drew Carey asked.

Indubitably! I’m superlicicious! Though I’m a little embarrassed” She pointed to her sweaty oxter. “Normally I’m a calligyous fashionista!”

Barbara quickly made it through the initial round and to the showcase against Denise, a soccer mom from Oregon.

Barbara squealed. “I’m a neophyte to the show, and I wasn’t prepared to come on stage, but I’m optimistic that I’m headed for retirement!”

“Barbara, tell us the price of a seven day trip to Florence, Italy and this new car!” Drew pointed to a pink Kia Soul.

“Thirty-thousand dollars, Drew.”

“Denise, your showcase includes a light bulb, a box of pumpkin spice latte, a molybdenum toilet, an anachronistic erotica book, simulacrum coffee, cereal, a taco, a turtle and a puppy.”

Ughhhhhhherrrrrghhhjaaahha,” Denise yelled.

“What?” Drew asked, clearly horrified.

“Sorry, I had a lethalogica moment, and a bit of a lalochezia indulgence, but this is redonkulous!”

“I’m feeling a little unappreciated Denise.” Drew put a hand to his heart. “Can you tell me the price?”

Infinity,” Denise huffed.

Drew raised his eyebrows before announcing, “Barbara, you win!”

“I’m so twitterpated!” Barbara staggered over to Drew and hugged him.

Denise stomped off the stage and later blamed her braggadocio need to pontificate on a fulminant fever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *